


this christmas it'll go my way

by Valery_Snowflakes



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Christmas fic, M/M, the evolution of dan's christmas i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-23
Updated: 2017-12-23
Packaged: 2019-02-18 18:12:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13105761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Valery_Snowflakes/pseuds/Valery_Snowflakes
Summary: Sometimes Dan wishes Christmas was just a little easier to handle.





	this christmas it'll go my way

**Author's Note:**

> Heyo! Yes, I'm back again because I have a lot of free time and no social life, lol.  
> So, today I brought in a Christmas fic because of the season? But it's also kinda sad because that's just who I am.  
> Again, this is a personal fic I guess. Truth is I've never really enjoyed the holidays at its fullest because I don't like human interaction and I also really despise how it's always people telling me to cheer up like I could just change the chemicals in my brain and be happy every time I wanted.   
> Anyway, idk I don't wanna jinx it but I really hope that this Christmas is different. And I also really love Shane Dawson, and when I stumbled across [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bnOaN2xikio) song a few hours ago I knew I just had to write it down.  
> Pardon the messiness of this work, it's un-betaed and not proofread, I literally wrote it in a couple of hours to procrastinate from gift-wrapping. 
> 
> Title's from Shane Dawson — MAYBE 
> 
> Happy Holidays! <3

**‘00**

Dan leans across the window, clutching the wrapping paper against his chest and idly eyeing his father in the driver’s seat.

“I want a puppy,” Dan says, upon noticing a big sign with _‘What will you ask for Christmas?’_ written in red letters next to some kitchen appliance he’s not familiar with.

“We’ve got Collin,” his dad says, not turning to look at him once.

  Dan scoffs.

“Then I want Crash Bandicoot.” There’s snow outside and Dan wants to open the door and touch it, but he’s already been scold twice for lowering the window, and he’s not risking it.

“We’re going to India,” his father says, like that’ll fix anything. But Dan doesn’t want to hop on a plane and eat curry, he wants the new Final Fantasy game and a better game console.

  There’s an ache in his chest, something twists when he realizes this is yet another year when he’ll go back to school and have to deal with kids showing off their toys and expensive clothes for him to only have the trip memories to hold on to.

 

**‘02**

“What are you getting for Christmas this year, Dan?” Someone asks, and Dan shrugs, starts walking towards his favourite hiding spot in the whole school.

“Hopefully not yelled at,” he says, sincerely, and the girl laughs, rolls her eyes and leaves with her friends to ask someone else.

  Dan watches them go with sad eyes, a group of girls all holding hands and wearing matching ribbons on their braids. Something inside him shifts, aches.

  He wants to ask for a friend, too, hopes Santa will bring him someone to get along with.

 

**‘04**

  He’s handed a Christmas themed card, with happy snowmen and a few reindeer stickers on the back.

“I want you to write two of the things you’ll like to get this Christmas,” his teacher says, leaning back against the blackboard. “Then you’ll hand them back, and I’ll make sure Santa receives them.”

  By making sure Santa receives them Dan knows that he’ll just scan them quickly and then toss them in the bin, never to be seen again, but he doesn’t want to be the odd one out that never handed back his card, so he takes out a pen and scribbles whatever comes to mind first.

  He ends up returning a card with the words _“a will to live and a boyfriend”_ written on it.

 

**‘05**

“Turn that frown upside down, kid, it’s Christmas,” someone yells in the street, and Dan’s both emotionally and physically tired so he doesn’t think much of it when he raises his middle finger and sticks it in the air.

“Fuck you,” he adds for good measure, and there are a few collective gasps but he ignores them, continues kicking pebbles until he reaches his bus stop.

  The world around him is coated in snow and fairy lights but he feels dead inside, there are people smiling and laughing but Dan can’t feel anything. The world is full of colours but Dan sees none.

**‘08**

  When his brother finds him, he’s hiding under the covers of his bed, the only light in the whole room coming from his computer screen.

“Mum says if you don’t come down she’ll find a way to turn off the Internet,” he says, monotone, and Dan scoffs.

“Fuck off,” he spats.

“I’m just the messenger, mate, don’t hate me,” there’s a pause and his brother squirms, brown locks falling in his eyes. “Are you watching that Awesome guy again?”

“Amazing, it’s AmazingPhil,” Dan corrects, pausing the video and closing the lid of his laptop. “And tell mum I’m coming, I just need to pee first.”

 

**‘09**

  He spends Christmas Eve curled up by the fire, phone in his hand and earphones in.

  The Final Fantasy VII soundtrack and the warmth from the fireplace really bring a whole new emotion over him, but what makes him feel the most is the text app of his phone, where every few seconds there’s a new message from his favourite person in the world.

_‘I should probably go talk to my family before they take my phone away:(‘_ Phil texts, and there’s a heavy weight in his chest, but then everyone’s getting called for dinner and he realizes he should probably do the same, too.

_‘yeah, me too.’  
 ‘I’ve been neglecting them ever since I came.’_

_‘Bear! You shouldn’t ignore your family.’_ Comes the response.  
_‘ >:[‘ _

_‘Why not? They barely care.’_  
 ‘And I’d rather talk to you, instead.’  
 ‘It's way more fun talking to my boyfriend than to a bunch of old people.’

_‘Can’t argue with that <3’  
 ‘No but seriously I should go, I’m getting yelled at:(‘_

_‘Yeah, me too’  
 ‘Skype later tonight?’_

_‘Yeah, and I’ll let you see your gift then;)’_

_‘Kinky’_

_‘Fuck off :P’_

_‘Okay, I should definitely go now.’  
 ‘Bye Phil, love you.’_

_‘Merry Christmas, Dan.’_  
 ‘I know they may not care but I do.’  
 ‘Love you too, bye.’

  His mother snatches his phone away before he can text back.

 

**‘11**

  Phil’s warmth and smiles are only there through the computer screen, and now Dan feels empty after a whole year of having them right beside him every day.

“What did you get?” He asks in a whisper, his parents are sleeping in the adjacent room and he can hear the quiet muffled footsteps of his brother, hurrying down the stairs and into the living room.

  Phil yawns, his glasses sliding off of his nose in a way that Dan would’ve made fun of if only he wasn’t so tired.

“Socks, a flannel, I think a cologne?” Phil whispers back, eyes scanning his room for presents. “Yeah, I think that was it. What did you get?”

“Money because my parents don’t know what to get me,” Dan chokes back the bitterness in his voice with a laugh, but Phil frowns, clearly sensing it there. “Oh, and Adrian bought me a keychain, which is nice because I really needed one.”

“Yeah, I remember you asked for one.” Phil smiles, shuffles. “My parents got you a wallet.”

“Tell them I said thank you,” he says, cheeks colouring red. “I didn’t get them anything, I’m sorry.”

“That’s okay, I told them my presents were from the both of us,” Phil shrugs, smiles. “They want you here someday, y’know.”

“I want me there someday, too,” Dan smiles, reaches for his duvet and drapes it over his shoulders like a cape. “I miss you.”

“I miss you, too,” Phil admits, cheeks red and blue eyes blinking back the tears. “I love you, Dan, merry Christmas.”

“Love you, too, Phil,” Dan can hear Adrian running into his parent’s room, screaming to wake them up. A glance at the clock lets him know it’s a little bit past six. “My brother’s up, I need to go pretend I slept.”

  Phil nods, blows a kiss to the camera that Dan pretends to catch.

“Text me when you wake up,” Dan requests, and Phil nods, promises Dan he will.

  Dan manages to turn off his laptop and lay down completely when his brother bursts in, young eyes filled with childlike joy.

“Dan! Presents!” He yells, like that makes any sense, and bolts out the door.

  Dan yawns, rubs his eyes and stands up. His head starts spinning and it feels like he won’t be able to make it through the day without at least two expressos.

  God, it’d be much easier if Phil was by his side.

 

**‘12**

  This year there’s no phone call to wish each other a Merry Christmas as soon as the sun rises, there’s no late night Skype call and there are no texts and Dan feels empty, broken, and like a part of him is missing.

“First time you aren’t bringing your phone to the table, kid.” Someone says, and Dan doesn’t even turn to look at the voice.

“Have no reason to,” he answers truthfully, taking a bite out of the turkey.

“Ah, so you’ve finally broken up with that Northern boy,” one of his aunts comments, merrily sipping from her wine glass. “I was wondering how long I’d take you to realize that you were on the wrong path and that he’d only bring you trouble.”

  Dan smacks the chair against the table so hard he knocks all of the candles into the floor, and then he retreats to his bedroom with his food plate in one hand and his shattered heart on the other.

  Sometimes Dan wishes Christmas was just a little easier to deal with.

 

**‘15**

  Everything’s been spinning recently, and Dan is exhausted. His bones ache and his head hurts and he just wants to sleep forever.

  Phil blows him a kiss from his phone screen.

“I was thinking popcorn and a movie would be acceptable?” He asks, he’s on the back of an Uber, having gone to do the last of their Christmas shopping for this year.

  Dan doesn’t think so. He just wants to curl up and stare at his ceiling blankly all day.

  He’s painfully aware that Phil will be gone in two days and that he’ll have to go, too.

“I don’t want popcorn,” Dan says, and Phil nods, blows a kiss to the screen before hanging up.

  When Phil comes back they just lay quietly in bed next to each other until Dan decides to unwrap Phil’s hands from that book and around his chest instead.

 

**‘17**

  Phil gives him a peck on the cheek before handing him his backpack. They’re at the airport of The Isle of Men and Dan doesn’t want to leave, not yet.

“What if I ditch my family and stay with yours instead?” He asks, shuffling to take his passport out of one of Phil’s folders.

“Then you won’t be able to see Collin,” Phil says, and Dan pouts.

“I think I love you more than I love Collin, I’ll live.” He tries again, and Phil hugs him, gives him another kiss.

“I want you to stay, too,” he admits. “You have no idea of how much I’d love to wake up to that smile.”

“Then don’t let me go.” Dan is practically begging at this point. He’s sick and tired of this routine, of never having Phil right beside him on Christmas Eve.

“Dan, you know I can’t…”

“Actually, you know what? Fuck it. I’m staying, my family can suck my ass.” Dan decides, taking his backpack and Phil’s hand and starting to make his way back again to the parking lot.

“What about everything else?” Phil asks, letting himself be dragged.

“It can go fuck itself, I’ll see my family earlier next year. Today I’m here and I’m staying and everyone else can go search where my fucks went because I don’t give none.”

  Phil smiles despite how weird the whole situation is, and he proudly walks hand in with his boyfriend through the whole airport, offering only a cheeky smile when they spot Martyn parked among the crowd of cars.

  The drive back to the Lester’s house is silent, somehow happier than the drive from. Dan has his hand on Phil’s and Phil has his head on Dan’s shoulder and it’s nice knowing that for once they’ll get to open presents the morning after together.

  There’s no need for phone calls now, for ugly everlasting Skype calls that can’t fully satisfy any of their needs. Tomorrow Dan gets to rush down the stairs with Phil and to hold his hand under the table when eating breakfast and to run his fingers through the dark locks after they’re still damp from the shower.

  He fishes out his phone and texts his mother the news, tells her that he won’t go but that he loves her and wishes her a merry Christmas nonetheless.

  She replies with an _‘Okay, enjoy your Christmas too, love.’_

  It just takes one look at Phil’s peaceful face to know that he will.


End file.
